View Full Version : what's your fav joke?!
bubble
02-05-2009, 2:57 am
As i'm sittin here noseyin on site I received 2 jokes by text (love when that happens). Thought i'd share them with you and i'd love to know DS and everyone else's favourite jokes!
3 naked men in a sauna: an american, japanese and an irishman. They heard a beepin sound-the american touches his arm n says thats my pager, i have a microchip under my skin. Next a phone rings and the japanese man lifts his palm to his ear, he says "i have a microchip in my hand." The irishman feelin very lowtech went to the toilet and came back wit toilet paper hangin from his arse, he says "oh jaysus wud u look at that, i'm gettin a fax!"!!! :D
Wife runs out of petrol and phones husband........"i'm scared to fill up cuz of the swine flu."
He says "u daft eejit it's in Mexico not flippin Texaco!" :o
Guildford Ghost
02-05-2009, 10:30 am
Victoria Beckham comes down to breakfast one morning and she sees David sitting at the kitchen table. He's been awake all night and he's very tired and very upset. So, she sidles up to him, gives him a peck on the cheek and says :
"David, what's wrong?"
"Well, Victoria, I've been trying to finish this jigsaw, haven't I?"
"David, what's it a jigsaw of?"
"It's a jigsaw of a chicken, innit? Look at the box"
"It's a jigsaw"
"Yeah"
"Of - a - chick - en"
"YEAH?"
"David..."
"What?"
"PUT THE CORNFLAKES BACK IN THE BOX!!!"
Struggling to see why this is an 'Ask Duke' thread.
Don't we have a joke thread somewhere?
We used to have one....somewhere......
xx (misery-guts)
bubble
02-05-2009, 11:20 pm
Oops, Jan - you're right...just ran the word "joke" through the search and indeed there is a thread from ages ago, sorry! :redface:
Em...asked Duke I suppose cuz he looks like he has a wicked sense of humour but I guess I shouldn't judge a book by its cover and all that.
I'm a bold girl and if we ever meet u can slap my wrist for re-hashing an old thread - but I think it was worth it just to read GG's joke...still makes me laugh when I read it, genius! :D xo
runnerbean
02-05-2009, 11:23 pm
I've been off sick from work for a few days. Think it might be swine flu cause
I'm coming out in rashers!
Proably should be on joke thread.
bubble
02-05-2009, 11:26 pm
U should get some oinkment for that... :getcoat:
runnerbean
02-05-2009, 11:34 pm
U should get some oinkment for that... :getcoat:
lol!!!
Guildford Ghost
03-05-2009, 12:07 am
So let's make this work...
What IS Duke's favourite joke?
(There - everyone's happy)
dukester
05-05-2009, 10:03 am
What's brown and sticky?
A stick. I have simple tastes.
Guildford Ghost
06-05-2009, 1:59 am
You EAT sticks?
Actually, I have two more I love but one's not very nice...
Stevie Wonder picked up a sheet of sandpaper and thought it was a horror novel.
Two sausages in a pan. One says "It's hot in here", the other says "F*** me! A talking sausage!"
Salmon Leap
06-05-2009, 9:48 am
A simple joke which has amused me since I was a young boy:
Did you hear about the boy who was half good and half bad?
He used to help old ladies half way across the road, then leave them there!
My older brother used to tell me that joke constantly when I was a kid and for some reason it always cracked me up. Years later, he was in a band and wrote a song called "By Halves" which included a reference to that joke. I remember hearing them singing it live for the first time and realised he'd included the line for me! Lovely moment.
Mrfizzy
06-05-2009, 1:34 pm
You EAT sticks?
Actually, I have two more I love but one's not very nice...
Stevie Wonder picked up a sheet of sandpaper and thought it was a horror novel.
Two sausages in a pan. One says "It's hot in here", the other says "F*** me! A talking sausage!"
Oh Dear Me, GG!
- Anyone know a reliable Bunny-boiler?
Extract from guide book for walkers in the Rocky Mountains:
'There are two types of bear in the Rockies, brown bears and grizzly bears.
Both are secretive creatures but will certainly attack if startled.
Therefore it is a good idea to announce you are there by making a gentle sound eg. by attaching tiny bells to your clothing.
It is also advisable to carry a pepper spray in case of a close encounter.
The droppings of these bears can tell you which kind is close by.
Brown bear droppings usually contain berries and squirrel fur.
Grizzly bear droppings may contain tiny bells and smell of pepper spray.....'
xx
I thought we had the same guide book until I read the end. Glad I didn't have your book before we arrived in the Rockies. We might not have gone!
Mind you, we did walk along a path to find a sign warning walkers that the path was frequented by bears because of the berry bushes that lined it. It's bit like the 'beware of falling boulders" sign scenaria!
Ahem......it was courtesy of Terry Wogan a week or so ago and possibly bogus!!:D:D
xx
Just possibly!!!!
Very possibly:D!
xx
FTFairy
07-05-2009, 5:18 am
What's brown and sticky?
A stick. I have simple tastes.
What's red and sits in the corner?
A naughty strawberry
Very possibly:D!
xx
Either irony doesn't translate to the written word - or my sense of humour is a bit off the wall!!! I think the clue was in the thread title!;)
bubble
10-05-2009, 2:13 am
What's brown and sticky?
A stick. I have simple tastes.
While i'm absolutely honoured 2receive an answer I face a dilemma...if I give my honest opinion on your effort do I run the risk of bein kicked off the site :p ?!
enter gg to save the day :D
You EAT sticks?"
:D
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